As a parent, I had to learn how to give my daughter back the power I took from her because of my own trauma.
Sometimes as parents we don't realize how much we take from our baby’s emotional well-being.
We don't mean to.
I guess it is part of the process as we are learning through this parenthood experience.
During this era of our Mother/Daughter journey, the tables have flipped in a way that even I can't sometimes process.
Motherhood has been such a beautiful experience. The joy of giving birth to another life that is a manifestation of you is one of the greatest gifts we were gifted from the Divine Creator.
My highs and lows as a parent taught me so many lessons in how to become a better human being.
Yet, my experience traveling in this realm produced a deficiency in me that resulted in me being a shitty mother.
When I take those self-reflection moments, I allow myself to get extremely vulnerable with myself. I take off the worldly mask so I can see myself for all that I am.
It's a complexed identity that I embrace and take accountability for.
There are moments when I play Devil's Advocate with myself. Trying to understand if my dark areas are a symptom of this human suffering?
Or just a little bit of both?
I'm still waiting for God to give me the answers to these questions.
This Mother/Daughter journey is fruitful in all of its glory.
It is intense exchanges of:
w/ Ancestral Wisdom
I cheated myself into believing because I provided a lifestyle of stability and materialism. She was alright.
The foolishness we tell ourselves sometimes is bananas.
Reality slapped the delusion out of me when I was faced with my own poison that I contributed to giving her.
Check Ya Self, Sis!!...is what my spirit made me face.
I had to... We have transitioned from adolescent to early adult hood in our relationship.
This stage is teaching me to submit and mind my business.... (lol)
I don't like it.
I want to protect her from all evil eyes, tongues, personalities, and hands.
However, that behavior is binding. I refuse to hold my joy (my daughter) back from her birthright for greatness.
Our Mother/Daughter journey can now heal into magnitudes that I never was taught, nor did I know existed.
I am better equipped to be a greater counsel and Mother in this part of my life.
I trust that I raised her right. Along with the women who gracefully poured into her throughout the years.
This Mother/Daughter journey ain't easy.
I wouldn't trade it for nothing in the world.
--------We are still growing